Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Therapy and Feeling Fortunate
I had a meeting with my therapist today. I thought it went pretty well. He asked how my twelve-step program was going and how things with my sponsor were working out. I wish I could tell him something bad that’s going on so I felt like I was getting my money’s worth but right now I feel like I’m doing well. We are now going to see each other once a month instead of once every three weeks. That’s a big step in my progress. Still I’m cautious as I know that my issues tend to find me whether I’m high or low so I have to keep on guard.
I really think this weekend with Andrea was just amazing. I had a great time. I not only enjoyed being with her but I also enjoyed seeing her reaction when she found out about the surprise. I wanted her to know how much I appreciate and love her. I hope I at least wooed her a little.
I found a few of my old babysitters on Facebook. One asked me if she was the one who hit me because she didn’t think she was. I told her it was not her so not to worry though I may talk to her later on about how I should handle it as she knew the guy.
I’m looking forward to working with my agent this week as we have lots to do to get this book published. I’m looking forward to getting this book out. While my personal life may be criticized when people read the book, I think overall people will understand what it’s like to deal with emotional issues not to mention the physical issues I battle with CF. I’m by no means a hero nor am I a failure. I’m somewhere in between which I believe we term that “human.”
I haven’t had any depression issues today though I did find a letter I wrote to myself months ago when things were at their worst and I was checking into a rehabilitation facility. The letter was full of anger and shame. At the time, it felt right to write those sorts of things. Now I believe that while I have made mistakes, I don’t deserve the self-hatred. I’m actually kind of proud of myself for working hard and not giving up.
I’ve gotten a lot of nice e-mails from people who have read my blog. Thank you for the feedback and the reassurance that this blog is helpful. I welcome all comments. It helps me decide what I should write about. I understand that blogs can seem self-indulgent and to some degree my blog probably seems that way. I promise though that my intentions for writing it are not to toot my horn. Heck, as you’ve seen, I haven’t had a lot to toot about. I’m writing it because I know that there are people out there like me. There are people afraid to reveal secrets. There are people unknowingly battling depression. There are people battling a terminal illness. I’m there for all of you and I understand what you’re going through. I’ve lived a double life. I’ve lived in fear of my issues. Revealing them one by one is therapeutic and I hope that it gives someone else the courage to reveal his or her issues.
Remember that no matter what your problems are, there is someone out there who deals with worse. I was at Lil' Azios the other day and Avery and Ethan were being crazy. Andrea and I were about to go nuts. Then a young boy in a wheelchair was trying to get himself in and out of the restroom and Andrea and I saw him. He did not smile and his parents didn't look too happy either. They looked fatigued. It was at that moment that Andrea and I were reminded of how lucky we were. Kids acting up didn't seem to be a big deal anymore. Nothing really did.
Sports and Working Out
Our softball game got rained out last night as I came to bat in the 2nd inning and lightning filled the sky and the ump called the game. Darn! I was just about to do my best Roy Hobbs impersonation (The Natural). We still have a shot at first place but we have to win our next game.
I got a great workout in today. I was sweating profusely afterwards. I got in about a mile run and then did 40 minutes of chest and leg weights. I’m feeling it right now. I’m not sure if my diet is working. I’m about 192 which is 4 pounds up from last week. I hope at least some of it is muscle or maybe I have an invisible 4 pound chain on my neck or maybe it’s the chocolate cake that Troy made us on Sunday...nah!
Thinking of Someone
I have a person close to me that is still going through some medical issues so I will continue to pray that he gets better. Please put this person in your prayers. Right now I have to keep him anonymous unless he tells me it’s ok to reveal his identity.
I have only 6 days remaining of Tobi. I can’t wait. Although I have learned of things I can do between Pulmozyme and Tobi as it’s recommended to wait 15 to 20 minutes between the aerosols. I’ve increased my workouts, gotten back into billiards and I’ve learned to play myself in Ping Pong. It’s a gift, people. A gift!
I’ve learned in recent days that “Daddy, I love you” while sweet is not a moment where my daughter has realized how much she loves me. I believe it means either one of two things: Avery knocked down her brother and he is crying or she spilled her milk on the floor. Still, I’m going to pretend that she has this life-changing moment where she realizes how important her father is to her. I did include a picture of Avery in her Supergirl outfit. Looks like great minds think alike as I've included my "Super" picture from when I was about her age.
I’m looking forward to starting my speaking schedule again in the coming months. I have spoken at schools, Kiwanis clubs, rotary clubs, businesses and health organizations. I want my story, both its positives and its negatives, to make a difference in someone else’s life. I don’t want to be a role model. I think that word is thrown around too easily these days. I’m not a role model. I just want to make a difference in someone else’s life.
That’s it for today. Stay well, everyone.
Oh, a quick shoutout to my friend Missy. Congrats on the improved pulmonary function test results. That's awesome, girl. Keep it up!