Wednesday, September 19, 2012
The Cystic Fibrosis Olympics
I would like to create the Cystic Fibrosis Olympics. I know they already have the transplant games but those are events that include track and field and actual Olympic sports. I'm coming up with events that only people with CF could medal in. Here are the 10 Olympic sports for a CF Decathlete to compete in to win gold. Good luck decathletes!
10. Take 10 pills within 10 seconds while concealing the medication from others. At the end, we'll ask your dinner partner if he or she saw you taking them. If they did, that's a one point deduction. Janet Jackson is disqualified as she is not very good at concealing things.
9. Do your 30 minute vest treatment, use your laptop and watch TV all at the same time. This takes special multi-tasking skills. If you can write without squiggly lines at the same time, bonus points!
8. Come up with 10 acronyms for CF in 2 minutes. Cystic fibrosis does not count. No cursing!
7. Speak to someone while wearing a hospital mask while they write down what you say. If they get it all right, you win. This is like a CF game of telephone. Extra credit if you can watch Honey Boo Boo without watching the subtitles and still understand what they're saying.
6. Write down all of the meds you take without developing a hand or wrist cramp. If you spell a majority of the drugs right, bonus points!
5. Drive while wearing a nebulizer. If you get in a wreck, you are disqualified. Lindsey Lohan and Amanda Bynes are automatically disqualified.
4. Go an entire 30 minutes of therapy without knocking out one of your vest tubes. This is not for someone who enjoys to play X-Box while doing his or her therapy.
3. Do all of your annual blood tests without fainting. I usually have 12 to 13 vials of blood taken and we of course have to fast about 12 hours in advance. It's like CF Survivor without a host...or a tribal ceremony.
2. Explain cystic fibrosis to someone without using the following 5 words: Lungs, disease, therapy, pills or digestive. It's like a CF game of Password.
1. Try to make rings with the smoke that you are breathing out of your nebulizer. While the general public will think it's cooler coming from a cigar, you will be the George Burns of CF nation so stand and be proud.
I wish everyone luck. The medals will be given out during Cystic Fibrosis Appreciation Month along with a free subscription to CF Illustrated.