Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Things that make me go hmmmm.....April 2012 edition

Top 25 things I thought about this week:

1. When will Kentucky lose their national title? Coach Calipari is synonymous for leaving schools and then they go on probation (See Memphis and UMASS – The Nets didn’t go on probation – just into the toilet).

2. I love that President Obama picked the Women’s NCAA bracket. My 3 year old son could do it. The final 8 teams were the top 8 seeds. The final 4 teams were the top 4 seeds. The team who won was the top seed. I’m entering the women’s bracket next year.

3. Why is it that people use music on Youtube videos all the time but when I take the time to be honest and ask for permission to use music on my video, the musicians want to charge me thousands to do it?

4. The Braves have acquired several players that were cut by lesser teams and yet many people expect the Braves to win 90 plus games. Am I the only that is concerned that our SS is a rookie, our 3B is retiring, our OF is the worst in baseball productivity-wise and our three best pitchers (Jurrjens, Hudson and Hanson) all have injury issues. I’m not Keith Law or Buster Olney but those are problems.

5. Why is it that whenever I buy flowers for my wife that the grocery store clerk always asks me “What did you do wrong?” Can’t a man just do something nice for his wife? Anyway, it never hurts to be proactive because I know I’ll screw up in the near future.

6. Why is it that every single voice mail I call says “The options have recently changed” and then when I push “0,” it goes back to the beginning. AHHHHH!

7. The Winnipeg Jets did not make the playoffs this year. Why is that important? That means the Thrashers organization will continue their dubious distinction as winning ZERO playoff games in the last decade. Not ZERO Series wins, but ZERO games won.

8. The Atlanta Falcons got two guys out of retirement this year and lost one of the best linebackers in football yet they still contend that they are better this year. The only true changes they made were offensive and defensive coordinators. I’d be really angry to read that the team believes they’ll be better if I were the old offensive and defensive coordinators.

9. I have never done worse in the NCAA bracket. I am going to have my kids pick the teams next year. I know they both love blue so they would have nailed the finals this year.

10. The Atlanta Hawks have had the same nucleus of players since the Atlanta Spirit took over (several years ago) and have yet to even make the conference finals. In any other city, a change would be made. Here? Nah.

11. I am almost done with P90X and I can definitely tell you something. I am old! My back hurts more. My knees are snapping. My hair looks gray. I am sweating in places I didn’t even know I had. People ask me if I'm really cut now. My answer is "I feel like I've been cut."

12. What’s the point of buying season tickets for any team when you can just buy a nice TV and watch the games at home? Never mind. I forgot about cotton candy.

13. Does anyone know any Irish humor for my speech in Ireland that's coming up? I’m afraid they won’t get my jokes. Then again, no one in the states gets them either.

14. Is this the worst season of American Idol ever? I think it would be more interesting if they had them date each other and turn it into the Bachelor. Or even better, let them transform it into Fear Factor. I can see it now. Brandy, you sang ok but to stay on the show you must eat the head of this live octopus. Seacrest out!

15. The lady who told everyone she won the lottery but has not given anyone her ticket and says it is hidden at McDonalds is either a big fat liar or the dumbest person on the planet. Either way, I'm flying to the Baltimore McDonalds today to get a happy meal and if all goes well, a VERY happy meal.

16. If people consider Kim Kardashian stupid, then what about the millions of people who pay to watch her every move?

17. How is San Diego State in the Big East and Texas A&M in the Southeastern Conference? I’m beginning to think the NCAA believes that Geography is an unnecessary class to take in college.

18. Did anyone watch the Baylor-Notre Dame women’s game last night? I found myself clicking between that and the movie “Bridesmaids.” Don’t worry. I turned in my man card this morning.

19. And for most embarrassing MLB franchise of the year (it’s early but they get it). Check out this link

20. Rumor has it that Jaleel White (Urkel on Family Matters) got in a shouting match with his Dancing with the Stars partner and several other people on the set of the hit show. Here is my only question "When the media asked him about this, he had an opportunity for the greatest answer of all time but he didn't use it!" Wait for it. Wait for it.

"Did I do that?"

21. How come no one has come up with the bumper sticker "I hate judgemental people!"

22. I remember when we were at my grandmother's house and we told my daughter to wash her hands. She called me into the bathroom. "Dad, there's no soap." I then had to point her to the bar of soap under the mirror. I had forgotten that kids of the new generation have no idea what bars of soap are. I was then going to show her my grandmother's rotary phone but I didn't want to confuse her further.

23. What if my GPS stopped working and I had to pick up a new GPS at the store? How would I get there?

24. My daughter was impressed when I did math without a calculator the other day. Next trick I'll show her is spelling things correctly without spellcheck. She'll think I'm a genius and who is to argue with her.

25. I came across the movie 2010 the other day and it made me think "Man, how disappointing! It's now 2012 and no one has dolphins in their pool." I already had a name picked out and everything.

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