Guilty but Mentally Ill

A year and a half ago my friend Rusty was shot and killed for no reason. Today the man who did this has been put behind bars. Today Rusty Sneiderman has gotten justice. Rusty, I know that somewhere you are smiling with the news that the man who ended your life and hurt so many people will never be able to hurt anyone else again. I hope that this bit of news gives some type of closure to the entire Sneiderman family though we still have lost a wonderful husband, father, son, brother and friend.

Rusty, I promised I wouldn't write about the trial anymore so I'm not going to. I'm going to write about you. This is from the bottom of my heart. As I sit here, I don't know what to think. I'm crying right now because all I can think about was that I would rather this day had never come. I would rather that you be hanging out talking about the Browns draft or joking about your Wii fit. I'd rather you be giving Ian hitting tips for tee ball or telling me that you love my blog.

Rusty, I've gotten very angry over the last few months. 1) I've been very upset with how this trial was run and 2) I was angry because I had to see your murderer's face on the news almost every day.

I am sad right now that I can't see your reaction to the verdict. I am sad right now that you and I can't go to some dive and grab dinner. The last few weeks, I've had trouble even talking about this trial with anyone. I've probably pissed off a number of my friends. I wrote 2 blog posts and then stopped it there. I'm not an angry person but I have been so hurt with the way you and Andrea were portrayed. I have been nauseas lately just thinking about this trial. I've had to find innerpeace and was unable to do so.

Those people in that courtroom didn't know you. You would never have hurt your children. You and I used to joke how our kids ran our lives.

Sophia and Ian are going to be ok. I wanted you to know that. I will be there for them. A lot of people will. They are good kids. My kids love them to death. My Andrea and I love them to death.

We will remember you for the man you were and the person you made all of us become. Today, we got justice. You got justice. And while I assume I should be happy right now, I'm still mad. I'm mad that you're gone and the man who murdered you is still here. It just doesn't seem fair. I love you, buddy. I always will. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. And while you had many dreams that you didn't get to accomplish, know that the people who you affected will accomplish them in your memory.

Sleep well my friend.

Love,

Andy