Tragedy strikes once again

The truth is that death surrounds us all. It's always around us whether it's on the news, a few blocks away from us or even affecting our own family at one time or another. I guess for me lately it just seems that it's a black cloud around me and I can't seem to shake it. As many of you know, my close friend Rusty Sneiderman was shot and killed one week before Thanksgiving. I have enclosed a picture of Rusty holding my son, Ethan as well as a sketch of the killer. Please pass the sketch along so we can find the guy. It's been really tough. I have written an entire piece on Rusty but I want to wait until after a lot of the media exposure has died down before I share it.

Andrea has been an a true rock for both ours and Rusty's family. I don't know where she finds the strength but I am really proud of her. I am having a hard time dealing with my friend's loss. It's been very difficult for me to put into words. I'm sorry if I have not called some of you back. This is how I get sometimes when I'm upset but I promise to make the return calls soon.

Losing my doctor earlier in the year (July), finding out about my friend's five year old son dying (October) and now getting the devastating news about Rusty has been very difficult to take. Not only do I feel awful for the families who were affected, I also can't get the thought of death off my mind. Andrea and I had to explain death to Avery since Rusty's children and Avery and Ethan are very close. She's had several questions over the last few weeks, questions that we've reluctantly had to answer. Some of her questions have included "Do only boys die? Don't people only die when they have gray hair? I'm not going to die, right Daddy?" Try explaining that to a four-year-old.

I appreciate all of you that have written me and Andrea. I also appreciate you keeping Rusty's family as well as the other families recently affected by death in your prayers.

I really miss Rusty. He not only was a good friend but he was always a big supporter of me and this blog. Whenever we'd get together, he'd say "I'd ask you how you've been but I read your blog religiously so I already think I know." He always wanted me to do more in life and take advantage of my public speaking ability. I hope to honor him by persevering in my motivational speaking role.

Writing and reading a eulogy at Rusty's funeral was the one speech I never wanted to make. Rusty and I only knew each other for 2+ years but he was such an amazing friend that it felt like much longer. I only wish I could have gotten more time with him. We had all of these plans and I'm sad that we won't be able to see them through. Over the last week or so since his death, all I can think about is his smiling face. He had such a great personality. I miss calling him or getting lunch with him and laughing at his self-deprecating humor.

The other day I set up my punching bag that I hadn't set up in 6 months. I needed it. All of the horrible things surrounding me lately stirred a lot of anger in me. I had to hit that bag. I have used it four times in the last two days.

It's ironic that none of the three people around me who have died had cystic fibrosis. For a long time, the only friends I lost were due to this disease. It's not that it makes it any easier but it's a fact that I cannot ignore. I have reached out to my sponsor and even my rabbi to talk further about death. I actually have to thank Andrea who called Rabbi Heller and had him meet with me. I'm not the most religious person in the world but I needed to talk someone who is close to God. I needed to talk to him as far as why I questioned God and his decisions. He took away an amazing friend, an extremely bright doctor and a five-year old who had yet to make his mark in the world. I question God's decisions. At the same time, I know the cliché that life is unpredictable and you have to appreciate each day. I'm just sick of being reminded of this fact.

I know that there are things that I should be thankful for. Ethan continues to persevere with his speaking, my father is doing amazing and my family's overall health is pretty good. Negative issues tend to overshadow the positive stuff when I am depressed. Of course, it's close to winter time which is when I usually get physically sick as well as mentally irrational. At least though, I can see that as a problem instead of ignoring these feelings and letting them fester.

I will be continuing all of my emotional therapy by praying daily and seeking support from my group. I also see George every 3 weeks and Dr. Rad every 2 months. That certainly gives me an advantage over past winters when I tried to deal with all of my issues in my own head. To quote a peer who also deals with depression, "When we take advice from our own minds, we are behind enemy lines."

Hanukkah is coming up in less than a week and I look forward to seeing the kids and Andrea smile as we celebrate the eight days of lights. I'm really not sure of Hanukkah's true significance except that my children get to unwrap gifts and play with their new toys. Maybe the significance for me is that it will take my mind off the awful things that have surrounded me over the last few months. I sure hope so.

I wish all of you well and I wish you a happy and healthy holiday season...and please be safe.

Best Wishes,

Andy

Tobi time, Wish is over and looking forward to family

This is always a tough time for me. While I might be handling my depression, it is almost winter, the days are over earlier and I'm back on Tobi for a month. I also know that I have a doctor's appointment 4 weeks from now and will also be taking another glucose test to determine if I need to go on cholesterol drugs.

This morning I started my Tobi treatments so 55 more to go after this morning's episode. I'm still between 183 and 185 pounds which is 12 to 14 pounds lower than I was in mid-September. I have to keep at this weight and continue to take my fish oil in order to try and avoid cholesterol meds. I have enough meds to take.

I think I've found a song that really describes me. It's "Long December" by the Counting Crows. Take a listen. December feels like the longest month for me.

My depression and other emotional issues have been kept in check for over a year now. I don't consider it a milestone though, only a mile marker in the marathon of life. I'll talk about it in my next meeting to encourage others and I'll be sponsoring my own sponsee probably in January.

I'm really excited to reach over a million dollars at Wish. I think when everything is said and done, I'll visit Wendy's grave. The last time I was there was when I first attended Ridgeview for my emotional issues. I want to tell her that I'm going to be okay and that her name is going to lead us to a cure one day. Twelve months ago, I placed a softball on her grave that told her that I would always give it my all for her and that we are going to cure CF in her name. I still believe that. I just hope I'm here to see it. On her birthday this year in December, I'll be placing another softball on her grave. I have enclosed a picture of it on this blog.

All and all, life is good. Andrea and I have some fun plans this week. The kids are continuing to grow. Georgia's football season is mercifully coming to an end. I'm ready to close out Wish for Wendy and focus on even more important things - my family.

I hope all of you are well.

Andy

Wish for Wendy

Well, last weekend was exhausting. On Friday, Andrea and I went to the CF Foundation and loaded the truck essentially by ourselves. It's tough to find volunteers on a Friday afternoon. Then we found out that the Wish for Wendy shirts were still at the press so we had to pick them up Friday night. Then Ethan had a 102 degree fever when he woke up Saturday morning and so we told our nanny not to bring him to the event. I can't tell you how much Andrea did this weekend between helping me with the truck, organizing the signs and dealing with my concern every time a drop of rain hit the pavement over the last week. She was a life saver. Thanks honey!!!

So that was pre-event. The event itself went great. Chipper Jones came out and signed autographs for 25 thrilled donors. My team, the Wish for Wendy Foundation Warriors, won our first fundraising crown and won a game in the tournament. Lego's Outlawz and For Josh met in a rematch of last year's final and this time it was For Josh taking the crown preventing Lego's Outlawz from 4-peating.

Other people who appeared included 10 of the Atlanta Falcon Cheerleaders, The Atlanta Beat women's professional team, Ray Mariner and Star 94, Nick Green, Paul Ossmann, Mark Bowman from MLB.com, Caboose the Clown, Les the Magnificent and the Chick Fil-A cow.

We eclipsed the million dollar mark and will have our final numbers in mid-December after our on-line silent auction and all of the team donations come in.

I'm really excited that we raised so much and that my sister's name will some day be synonymous with a cure.

Thanks to all of you who donated and volunteered to this event.

My sister (picture enclosed) is smiling somewhere. I just know it.

Andy

Trick or treat

I hope everyone had a great Halloween. Only 5 more days till Wish for Wendy!!! I'm really excited.

I just wanted to share my experience with the kids last night. Avery, Ethan and I went trick-or-treating. Avery kept telling me she was bored. Well, in her words, "Daddy, I'm boring." Ethan kept running as fast as he could and then when we got candy, wanted to eat it on the spot! So I thought this Halloween would be a failure. I was wrong.

We got home and I told Avery that she and I could hand out candy. She wanted to sit outside though and of course Ethan followed. What I thought would be a 5 to 10 minute experiment that would be the equivalent of watching paint dry (Andrea hadn't seen a trick or treater all night) turned out to be anything but that. Avery and I came up with chants. Here they are:

If you can make it up the hill, you can get your fill.
We are fine and dandy, come get some candy, love Ethan, Avery and Andy.
The candy is free so come see me.
Come get your candy. We have candy! (This was Avery's favorite.)

We ended up with about 120 trick-or-treaters and were out there for about an hour. Ethan even was talking and saying "Happy Halloween" to every trick-or-treater that made the trek up our hill. Both the kids gave out candy and really enjoyed it. It was awesome.

Here are some cute pictures from last night. Costume credit goes to Andrea as she bought these adorable outfits for A & E. I hope everyone had a safe and happy Halloween. I know Woody and Buzz did.

Andy

The 25 ways that CF contributed to making me the man that I am

The other day I wrote the 25 reasons why I hate CF and I got a lot of positive feedback from it. Now I figured I’d show you the top 25 ways that CF molded me as an individual.

25. Loner – While a lot of you may think I’m a people person, I’m not. I tend to want to do everything on my own and crave time to myself. When I was little, my parents did my therapy which meant closing the door away from other people. When I got the vest, it was just me and I learned to close the door on everyone else. Other than my parents, my sister, my kids and my wife, I don’t feel terribly comfortable doing my therapy around anyone.

24. Feeling Different – I’ve always felt that I was hiding something. When I was younger, it was hiding the fact that I had CF. As I got older, I had to hide my therapy equipment and pills from prospective girlfriends in fear that they would look at me as an alien.

23. Being Competitive – I’m a very competitive person. Maybe that’s because doctors were already gambling against me from the time I was born. I’ve always felt I needed to prove myself to everyone because I wasn’t supposed to live this long.

22. Feeling fortunate to have children – I would not have been able to have children had it not been for In Vitro Fertilization. And I would not have had to go through IVF had I not had cystic fibrosis. The process itself was heart-wrenching for Andrea and I, but the end result has made me feel very lucky to have children. I really try to enjoy each day with them.

21. Being a big fundraiser – If I didn’t have a cause to fight for, I doubt I would have ever started Wish for Wendy. My mother created the Santa Claus House when I was little to help beat CF. I learned a lot from her. She taught me that when it comes to fundraising “You’ll never know unless you ask.”

20. Spirituality – I doubt I’d be as spiritual as I am had CF not taken my sister at a very young age. I still believe she’s out there helping me get through this life.

19. Emily – I probably wouldn’t have Emily in my life had CF not been in my life. First off, I believe my parents only wanted 2 kids so Wendy would have still been here. Secondly, my parents would not have gone through the adoption process if they knew they could have kids without the chance of them having CF. I’m thankful for Emily but sad that I never got to meet Wendy.

18. Depression – I doubt I would have had so many depression issues if it hadn’t been for CF. Doctor’s appointments were always scary. Reading about my life expectancy was disheartening. Growing up before I was ready was not what every child dreams about.

17. Author – I know that my story would put the average reader to sleep had I not had to deal with CF. I can see the title now “I grew up in Doraville in a 2 story house with a Basement.” Not exactly a title that makes you want to rip open a book.

16. Speaking – When I was little, I was very afraid of public speaking ever since a poem reading in 5th grade went horribly wrong. I probably never would have done public speaking again however it was a must if I wanted to tell my tale regarding CF and help others. Now I’ve really learned to excel at the art of motivational speaking. I guess I can thank CF.

15. Things I’ve gotten to do – There’s no way I would have run with the Olympic Torch, met celebrities like Garth Brooks, been a ball boy with the Hawks or even participated as a batboy with the Braves if I didn’t have CF. That’s for sure.

14. Growing up quickly – I definitely would not have matured as quickly as I did had it not been for CF. When I was a kid, my friends were worried about having girlfriends, winning at sports and doing homework. While those three topics certainly crossed my mind, my main concern was my health and not having to go on antibiotics.

13. Swallowing pills – I take pills at a record pace. If pill-taking was an Olympic sport, I’d be the Michael Phelps of pill-taking. I can take 10 pills in about 20 seconds going one by one. It’s pretty impressive. I don’t think I would have had this gift without CF.

12. Not taking life for granted – The old cliché is “Don’t take life for granted.” Well, most people do for a majority of their life. That’s not the case for someone born with a terminal illness. Every day is a battle and most every day is a struggle, but if you are breathing by night’s end, then you have succeeded. That’s also why I lift weights and take care of my body like I do. I wouldn’t be in this kind of shape if I didn’t have a terminal disease breathing down my neck.

11. Reading backwards - I would not be able to read any word backwards without CF. That strange habit is kind of my secret trick. I can read any word backwards in seconds. I credit this to the days when I was in high school and just started using my vest. I was bored and couldn’t find anything else to do so I learned to read backwards and after a while I just got really good at it.

10. Meeting Mrs. “RIGHT!” – You learn with a terminal disease how to find the “right” person to spend your life with. I certainly did. Andrea did not judge me for the disease I had. She accepted it and accepted the fact that things were not always going to come easy. She is an amazing woman.

9. Not meeting other people with CF – If I didn’t have CF, I would certainly have met more people with CF in person. Unfortunately, having the disease means that cross-contamination is a big risk in meeting others with the disease. It’s another reason CF can make you feel like a loner.

8. My iguana - This is a funny one but there is no way I’d have an iguana in college named CF Phlegmington. That was a name my friend Aaron came up with so that I didn’t take CF so seriously. Unfortunately I didn’t take very good care of the iguana and my mom ended up giving him away. There’s no truth to the rumor that the little guy once used my vest, but Aaron did.

7. Addiction – While I blame only myself for my addiction problems, certainly some of my symptoms could be caused by CF. As an addict, I always want to do more. Some of that comes from having CF and always wanting to prove myself more.

6. Starting a foundation – If I didn’t have CF, I doubt I’d care much about awareness for the disease. Since I do and since my sister died from it, it is a passion of mine to spread awareness about the disease. That’s why we started the Wish for Wendy Foundation.

5. The kinship with my son – I don’t think I’d feel as close to Ethan as I do without having CF. Ethan had a brain infarct at birth and the doctors were very pessimistic about our young son. Having CF though, I knew that it was possible to defy the odds. My son is a daddy’s boy today and I believe he feels that kinship too. We both proved our doctors wrong.

4. My knowledge of CF and my politics – I definitely would be like the majority of the planet and had no idea what cystic fibrosis was if I didn’t have the disease. I also wouldn’t be voting for aggressive stem cell research if I didn’t have a disease to worry about. However now that I have a wife with MS and a son who had an infarct, it wouldn’t matter if I had CF. I am in favor of stem cell research.

3. My parents – I definitely would not have appreciated my parents as much if I didn’t have CF. My parents administered my postural drainage from the time I was an infant until 10th grade when I got the vest. That required a half hour a day of hitting my back, sides and front so the phlegm in my lungs would loosen. I’m sure there were days that they actually enjoyed hitting me though as I was kind of a smart ass. Hard to believe I’m sure.

2. Can’t you see that I can fight it but remember only strong individuals survive – I definitely wouldn’t use that line or even come up with that line if I didn’t have CF. The phrase is actually an acronym. Take the first letter from each word and it spells out two words – cystic fibrosis.

1. Getting to know many of you – I would not know others who have associations to CF or have the friends I have from Wish for Wendy if I didn’t have cystic fibrosis. I’m pretty grateful to have you in my life. I’ve learned a lot from you. I’m certainly better for knowing you.

Do I owe cystic fibrosis my gratitude for this list of 25? Nah, but I do want the disease to know that I CAN find 25 things to be thankful for despite having a life-threatening disease. “If a man brushes everything aside that is negative, greatness can flourish!” That’s a self-created quote as well and another acronym. I’ll let you figure it out.

Have a good one!

Andy

Wish for Wendy is only 10 days away!

Well, we are closing on a million at Wish for Wendy. We had another meeting last night and everything is coming together. We have a lot of sponsors involved and some great guests at the event including: The Atlanta Falcon Cheerleaders, Caboose the Clown, Monkey Joe, The Chick Fil-A Cow, EEP Events (our DJ) and Star 94 who will do a 3-hour remote from the event. Also If you live in Atlanta, tune in as they are airing several spots for us. I'm also looking forward to the person(s) throwing out the first pitch. It's going to be very emotional. There will be a presentation made. You don't want to miss it. This usually takes place around 9:45 am. We are also pursuing a few celebrities and one of them is very big. I don't know that we'll get him but we are continuing to try.

A Wish for Wendy has raised about $980,000 overall as we speak. That means we are very close to hitting the magic number. I'm looking forward to seeing my cousin Barrett and my Aunt Loretta as they are flying in for the event.

As far as how I'm doing, I am still learning what it is to be an addict though I've probably unknowingly been one for most of my life. I have learned that I not only have to be cautious but attentive when it comes to dealing with my issues. I have to be smart and not emotional. I have to avoid justifying and learn to recognize. Being an addict means accepting that I will always be a recovering addict and never a "recovered" addict because addictions are never gone for good.

Along this course, I have met several other people dealing with addiction and/or depression. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one. We all have different ways to get better but as long as they give us the same healthy outcome, that's certainly ok.

I have been taking fish oil gel capsules lately and I feel a lot more alert lately. My mind is thinking better and I feel a lot more awake during the day. It's quite incredible. I've read that it lowers cholesterol too. I've also been eating more oatmeal and trying to cut out cheese, sodas and other high cholesterol products. To date, I have gone from 197 pounds on September 10th which is when I was diagnosed with high cholesterol to 183 pounds on October 27th which is a 14 pound weight loss in about 7 weeks. I don't plan to lose any more weight. I also want to continue to eat foods that are low in cholesterol. I go back for my glucose test in a month and I want a lower cholesterol score so I don't have to go on cholesterol meds.

Funny moment of the week:

I got home Monday last week and put my head on the pillow. I looked over at Avery and just closed my eyes and took a deep breath. She then said to me:

"Long day, huh?"

I responded a bit in shock as to how mature she sounded, "Yeah."

"Me too, daddy. I had school all day."

I swear to you my daughter gains a few years every week. She passed my maturity level months ago (That's not saying much as Ethan passed it yesterday). I look forward to having some daddy-daughter time this weekend. Maybe we'll go to Malibu. Maybe we'll hit the park. At the pace she's learning, maybe she can do my taxes while we play putt-putt.

I wish everyone a good weekend. Don't forget our 11 for 11 at Wish for Wendy. It's sure to be a big hit. You have a chance to win 2 airline tickets to anywhere in the continental US!

Thanks,

Andy

Rough week

It's been a rough last 7 days. As I continue making my amends, I finally decided to e-mail the babysitter who beat me up when I was a kid. The letter wasn't the easy part but hitting "send" was even harder. My therapist told me I could write the note and then trash it and just never send it but that seemed cowardly to me. This guy beat the absolute crap out of me and scared me to death as a kid. I won't stand for that anymore. I figured if anything I owed it to Andy Lipman the little kid who feared for his life. Needless to say, I have e-mailed him and will hopefully get a response.

Last Friday, I got some very disheartening news. A friend of mine who I buy from at work and who talks about family every time we meet had something horrible happen. This is the guy who always asks about your family before he talks about anything work-related. He's offered to take my whole family to dinner in the past. Well, about 10 days ago, his son was killed in a freak home accident. His son was only 5. It's horrible and I can't stop thinking about John and I can't stop thinking about my kids and how delicate life truly is. That's why I enclosed a picture of my babies. They are literally all I can think about since I got the news from John.

My year of sobriety is around the corner and I was thinking what I've learned through the process. Here is my list.

1) Just because you are taking the steps to get better, doesn't mean you'll get better.
2) No one is perfect and thinking you have to be perfect is more dangerous than being incredibly imperfect.
3) People aren't necessarily bad because of their actions. Their actions are bad but maybe there's a good person living inside the person whose actions were awful. Maybe that person, with the right help, can not only recover but make the world a better place by helping others who have been through similar issues.
4) It's not easy to be open and honest but it's incredibly worthwhile.
5) Asking for help doesn't make you weak. Never asking for help when you definitely need it is a sign of weakness in my opinion.
6) No matter how bad you think your problems are, there are many people who have encountered worse.
7) It's not hard to find motivation when you have a beautiful family to look at every day.
8) It's not helpful to be hard on yourself. It makes everything worse for you and everyone around you.
9) Being humbled every now and then is a pretty good cure for an addict.
10) Family is priority. While we all say that, sometimes you (or at least I) didn't make my family the priority I should have. That's never happening again.

I'm doing pretty well healthwise. My softball team won again last night. We are now 5-0. Andrea and the kids have been under the weather but thankfully all of them are coming out of it. I am currently working on 4 projects at work that could add significant savings for our company. We have a Wish for Wendy meeting tonight and Emily's birthday is tomorrow night (Don't forget her store Raw Denim!!!). Dad is doing well and adjusting to being back home.

Please pray for my friend John. My heart still aches for him and his family.

Best Wishes,

Andy
Thanks for listening.